Becoming an Influential Father

This was written for fathers, but it is excellent for mothers and grandparents as well.  A really great article.

"............Physical affection can be healing, affirmative, and reassuring. It can take many forms: a pat on the head or arm, a kiss on the cheek, a hug, or an arm around the shoulder. Appropriate physical affection is a great facilitator of bonding between fathers and children.

"...........Showing affection verbally means focusing on the good things more than the negative things. Sometimes, especially when disciplining, it may be easier to comment on the negatives as a way of correcting the wrong. However, even then, when fathers can find ways to focus on what their children do well, praising rather than criticizing, it is helpful. Positive comments will build their confidence, uplift their spirits, and inspire them to be their best. Oftentimes even a negative behavior can be corrected by helping the child see and understand a positive path of action.

"..............As a father reinforces good behavior, he needs to remember that “reproving betimes with sharpness” means with timeliness and clarity, not anger, and always “showing forth afterwards an increase of love” (D&C 121:43). Success in disciplining for long-term behavior and attitude change is directly related to the quality of the relationship a father has with his children.

"............When an opportunity to talk with your children arises, a father shouldn’t just mute the TV. It should be turned off. A father will be more successful if he adjusts his schedule to listen when they want to talk; if he waits, he may lose a valuable moment.

"It takes patience, skill, and sacrifice to listen effectively. Parents must be patient as children take the time to form thoughts and words. If your children respond slowly, you may want to be cautious not to offer answers for them. Often none are needed, and your children will eventually say what they want and need to say.

"..............As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explains, “We [are] not surprised that when 2,000 children of all ages and backgrounds were asked what they appreciated most about their fathers, they answered universally, ‘He spends time with me.’”2

Loving relationships develop best as fathers take time to play, laugh, work, read, pray, talk, walk, and engage in other wholesome family activities with their children. Parents often must plan and schedule these activities; they likely will not happen very often by coincidence. In fact, children grow up so quickly that if parents do not look for opportunities to change and adapt, to spend time with their children, precious opportunities may be missed."

Becoming an Influential Father
by Jerry Harris
Ensign
February, 2010